I am not going to pretend that before writing this post that I liked you. I am not going to pretend I started watching this series of big brother as a fan of yours. I won’t pretend that I haven’t had to take more than a few deep breaths before writing this post.
I am angry.
I am offended.
I am disappointed.
I am upset.
I don’t pretend to have ever wasted my time reading your blog; from what I know and understand of it, is that it is just filled with hatred, remarks, gossip and lies about people far more talented and successful as yourself. It is not something that interests me. It’s nothing more than glorified bullying.
I don’t pretend that, before your entrance to the Celebrity Big Brother House earlier this year, I ever gave you a second thought – other than, when your endless bashing of Lady Gaga as a bully and all the other endless nonsense, that seemed to have no real substantiation, plagued my twitter timeline. This was of course, not for the first time.
Before your arrival on to my television screen, I remained blissfully ignorant to your ‘career’, and incredibly unaware as to the disgusting behavior you would display in some last ditched attempt to save your otherwise dwindling career – your A-list friend circle all but gone, your presence online being replaced by 13 year old kids with nothing more than a webcam, iMovie and an attitude problem.
Over the last few weeks, I have watched in utter horror at the spectacle you have made of yourself on British TV. At first….I got it. I really did! In fact, I almost felt sorry for you. The venomous character you have created seems to have intertwined with the person under it in such a deep rooted way, that you became very lonely, very desperate to be liked. I got it.
However, with every attention seeking filled second. This feeling of compassion turned to pity, as I watched you goad other housemates into getting so frustrated, that they used offensive language. Whilst I, of course, don’t condone the word that Alexander O’Neal used towards you….I don’t think for a second he is homophobic, no more than I do Katie Hopkins as you branded her just a week ago. To me, it seems like a word you are FAR to quick to use against people that just don’t like you….poor Perez.
I watched as you embarrassed the gay community on national television, in a country that has worked so hard to eliminate prejudice against the LGBTQ community. It was painful to watch as I saw your behavior, knowing that, for some people, it would form an opinion of us, as a community.
I watched in absolute despair as Michelle Visage cried for the same reason I wanted to. Michelle, for all intents and purposes, is as much part of this community as me, and, if I like it or not, you. Having been the victim of a random and unprovoked homophobic assault, I wonder how many gay people will be prejudged, as I was, against the behavior you have displayed?
It has become tiresome to watch what had been one of my favourite shows. It has been utterly overshadowed by you and the pathetic attempts to steal every second of camera time as you could. It’s become very clear you went in, desperate to be liked and it backfired, and now you are going for the villain title…well congratulations…you’ve certainly got that.
I could have forgiven it. I could have forgotten it all….eagerly! I could have accepted your utterly pitiful behavior…in time. The British public are clever enough to work out exactly what you are doing. What I cannot forgive is the latest vile addition to the already distasteful portfolio you have built up over the last few weeks. Your ‘wholly unacceptable’ comment about the AIDS pandemic.
We watched as you compared the isolation you have felt to being “diagnosed with AIDS in the early 80s”.
Words fail to justify the utter disgust I feel towards you. There is no excuse for it.
You have been ostracised, isolated and ‘picked on’ because of the childlike, pathetic and disgraceful way in which you have portrayed yourself. People are acting like that towards you because they don’t like YOU. Whilst she may be flawed, Katie Hopkins is not to blame for that, she is not at fault here. YOU ARE.
I have NO doubt your comment was a VERY deliberate act to offend, upset and incite anger and hatred. It is CRYSTAL clear that you hold no regard for the LGBTQ community, but to use HIV/AIDS as ammunition is nothing short of abhorrent.
How dare you compare justified comments and behaviors towards you in the same way it felt to be diagnosed in the 1980s. As someone living with HIV, I could not even begin to imagine being diagnosed with AIDS now, let alone in the early 80s.
I have felt isolation that you could never begin to imagine. I have cried so hard that I felt I didn’t have the strength to wake up the next day.
I have felt loneliness like I can’t even begin to describe. Even in a room full of loved ones, I felt like I didn’t have a single person in the world that understood the grief I was feeling.
I have had strangers look at me with utter disgust on their faces, just because of the three letters whispered in their ear by someone I didn’t know.
I have lost friendships, the love of family members and the respect of acquaintances just because I am living with a immunodeficiency virus.
I have seen the lust in people’s eyes changed to pity or disgust as I disclosed my status and knew instantly that they had discounted my entire personality.
I feel blessed that I had support around me….other people aren’t that lucky. I can’t get my head around how that would have felt.
All this still, NOTHING compared to what people in the 80s felt when they were told they had AIDS. When there was no treatment, no cure….it WAS a death sentence. That is something I can’t even begin to imagine…My heart actually hurts when I think of the men,women and children that lost their lives to AIDS related illnesses.
So tell me again Mr Hilton, how your situation is ANYTHING like that?!
I feel physically sick by the complete disregard to the memory of those we lost in the 80s, simply so you could get more screen time, to offend a wider audience, to build a bigger hatred so you can come out and whine and winge about how hard it was for you!
I would never wish the isolation, the loneliness and the prejudice that comes with living with this virus upon anyone….I would never want you to understand just how far away your comment was from reality.
I sincerely hope you fully understand just what you have done.
Our community needs support, not stigma.
There cannot be an apology from you….I for one, refuse to accept it.
What you have done and said, has all been deliberate….for shock value.
For me, it’s unforgivable.