I was sitting in my office two weeks ago. Coffee in hand, post it notes scattering the desk, head all over the place.
I am concentrating all my efforts at the moment on my new project. It is something a world away from anything I have ever done before – but as with other things I have done before…it’s a huge challenge that is going to an uphill battle. It will be worth it if I get it right – which means the battle is ultimately worth the battle scars.
I was discussing it with a lady I know, who attended the launch of Train The Change – expressing to her about the self-doubt I have cast upon myself. She reminded me of the start of my journey. The battle with the job centre. The struggles I have faced in stigma. The creation of the TTT campaign….and short of shaking me…she did everything to convince me that I could use these experiences to drive the new project.
She asked about this blog – and what I was doing with the activism side of my life. I explained to her that I had taken a back seat, and felt my journey,or rather my struggle, had come to an end. Something I explained to you all in August. I also told her about something I had been feeling for a while before I stopped blogging.
I had felt like so much was going wrong for me, I used my blog as a way to get all my bottled up and reserved feelings and emotions out. This,whilst it had helped me – wasn’t so positive for those reading it. I felt like in doing this, I had become stale and uninteresting – no longer relevant in what had been such a huge part of my life.
She stressed to me that whilst my struggle was over, and my journey to acceptance had come to end; you guys would want to what happened next – where the journey had led me.She also said that people had been supporting me – and whether or not my posts were all about living with HIV or not – people would still want to read…and that she and her family had missed my posts.
I thought about it for so long, and realised that for so long I had so much support and love given to me….and to disappear, whilst I needed the break, was unfair i guess?
From the bottom of my heart I have to thank Tina Kydd for that conversation. Not only did it help with me with my work struggles and doubts…she gave me the courage I needed to come back to what I honestly LOVE doing!
So I have decided that, I would start writing again! I just hope you guys will enjoy reading it!
A few little updates to start I guess!!
I am still living in Kent, with my wonderful parents! The house is a little crowded with Mum, Stepdad Steve, Sister Gemma and her boyfriend Mark and my niece Ellie and myself, all under one roof! It’s nice to be in a full family home though I guess!
I am the MD of a company – and I LOVE my job, and as soon as I can tell you more, I’ll let you know what the new project is! All i can say is, it’s huge!!
I am single…been that way for a while! I have been on a few dates and recently met with an ex partner for drinks and briefly thought it would rekindle, I have since decided it’s not the right thing to do. History tells me it’s not right for either of us.
Whilst it’s nice to go on dates, I rarely go for date two. I have no interest in one-night stands or purely sexual encounters. I am at a point in my life that I just want someone to cuddle up with and share my life with. I want to meet someone that actually makes me happy, and that I’m not going to realise 6 months down the line, isn’t compatible.
I do have a date on Saturday with another guy. He seems very nice so far, and I remain optimistic that the date will go well!
Well….for now, that’s enough rambling!!
I hope you are all well!!
All my love, as ALWAYS